Photo credit: Drew Hays
Today is National Toilet Day proving that some people will do anything to sell more greeting cards. Thanksgiving is Thursday and Christmas, which we began celebrating before Halloween, is coming up. Or did I miss it?
Thanksgiving is actually a worthwhile holiday in my opinion. It wasn’t generated out of thin air to sell more greeting cards although I don’t buy the whole pilgrim hats and Indian corn motif.
It’s a fine idea to be thankful for all the good things in our lives especially when it seems we’re forever bombarded with inappropriate touching stories on the news.
Besides, Thanksgiving isn’t fake. We think it actually happened. At least there was a big meal in the woods someplace and the local citizens invited the undocumented aliens to join them. That’s when the native Americans, who didn’t even know they were in America, should have thought of building a wall.
I haven’t seen cards for Toilet Day on display at the Quikie-Pay. Maybe Spencer’s has them in the back. But there certainly are racks upon racks promoting Valentines Day (fake holiday), Mother’s Day (fake), Father’s Day (fake), Secretaries Day (fake), and Great Pumpkin Day (also fake but kind of cute). You can thank Hallmark and American Greetings for inventing most of these. And they thank you, too. For them, every holiday, real or fake, is a cause for Thanks-giving.
I like holidays that mean something. Giving thanks has meaning for me. Christmas, the Gran’ Daddy of ‘Em All, we now know came about long before Christ but wasn’t called Christmas. It was a huge pagan festival not unlike Burning Man. Thanks, Pagans — nobody throws a party like you guys!
Holidays to honor individuals seem to be fading. Things have never been the same for Abe and George since they were mashed together into Presidents Day. Martin Luther King, Jr. had incalculable impact on our country but, I don’t know, has his special day really caught on? How do you decorate for it? At least he gets lots of free publicity since every town has a street named after MLK. Too bad the 18 letters in his name don’t easily fit on a street sign. We sometimes hear it pronounced ‘milk’ as in, “Take a right on MILK.”
My favorite holiday is July 4. First of all, you can count on it being celebrated the same day year after year. Continuity matters. It’s a birthday party — who doesn’t like birthday parties? Parades, cake, ice cream, fireworks. Wow.
Also, I enjoy my own birthday celebration, Cheating Death Again Day.
Please send cards; Hallmark and I will thank you.
To be fair, World Toilet Day is a UN sanctioned event to draw attention to the serious health problem of inadequate or no sanitation in many parts of the world. But that won’t stop me from sharing the best potty joke I know:
Thieves broke into the local police station and took all of the toilets — police have nothing to go on.
by Joe Grant